


safe

by pastelhajime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Mafia AU, Pining, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:57:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9466400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelhajime/pseuds/pastelhajime
Summary: He watched, helpless, as the door closed behind the other boy. The room was silent, safe from the pounding in his ears he was sure was coming from someplace other than his heart. At least, he hoped so.The words were stuck in his throat. The words, melting and corroding on this hot summer's day, would never find their way out.They would never keep them safe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> for ane again!! this is super sad and if you hate me after this i dont blame u honestly 
> 
> no surprise this was much easier for me to write,, but i still hope you kind of slightly enjoy it?
> 
> twitter: rosejihoons
> 
> thanks for reading!

 

They were on the couch when the first shots rang out.

It was some show—he couldn't remember for the life of him—that Tadashi insisted on watching every afternoon, and he let him. Because, even if he had no idea what the show was about, Tadashi's smile made it all worthwhile.

Some character had just made a witty remark and Tadashi was laughing, his head tilted back, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and his hair brushing the other boy's cheek as they cuddled. Kei could remember looking down at that smiling, laughing boy and thinking that he was the luckiest man in the world.

And he was. Even if it was only for a few seconds.

Tadashi didn't notice the first shot, if Kei remembered correctly; he was too engrossed in his show. But when the door was kicked down, the brunet leapt out of Kei's embrace and stared back at him, eyes wide in fear.

Three men, dressed in posh black suits walked in, and began surveying the area. Noticing the other people in the room, the first one stepped forward to speak.

"Is there a—" The man looked over at his accomplices, who mouthed a couple words to him. "Yamaguchi Tadashi in this room?"

Tadashi looked back over at Kei, who shrugged. "Yes, that's me."

But it was a lie. He knew what was coming, and he knew he was a terrible person for putting the one person he cared about the most through it all.

The man smirked. "I'm surprised that you seem so casual about all this." He took a step forward. "Almost like you don't know what's wrong."

Tadashi took a step back, a step back into Kei, who protectively wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's waist. "I-I don't, really. You must have gotten the wrong guy, I swear."

The man laughed. "Yamaguchi-san, I've been looking for you for over two months now." Reaching into his pocket, the man pulled out a long bill and waved it in Tadashi's face briefly. "Your debt amounts to numbers higher than I've ever known."

"Debt?" Tadashi paled at the word, and looked up at Kei, who didn't meet his eye. "I haven't borrowed any money from anyone!"

_And it was true. He knew it was true, yet he didn't save him. He didn't save Tadashi when he could have._

"Silence!" The man barked, and Tadashi cowered into Kei. "You have five minutes to say bye-bye to your little boy toy here before we get to take you." The man flashed an ugly smile that made both Kei and Tadashi's skin crawl. "It's all part of the agreement, Yamaguchi-san."

"Agreement? I didn't agree to anything!" Tadashi turned to Kei, tears welling up in his eyes. "Tell them, Kei, I haven't done anything!"

_Say the words, Kei. Say them!_

Kei unraveled his hands from Tadashi's waist. "Is there anything you need to tell me, Tadashi?" His eyes flickered over to the bill in the man's hands, before landing back on Tadashi's now ashen face.

_Not those words! He could save Tadashi, with any words but these, with any words that he had the confidence to say, but—_

"W-What?" Tadashi began backing away, fear and distrust evident in his eyes. Kei, even now, could remember the strong taste of guilt lingering in the back of his throat. "You—You think it's my fault?"

_There's still time. He could still tell him now, tell him the truth and—_

"You heard the man," Kei mumbled, nodding at the man, who was still smirking. "It's your name."

_It was his name, sure, but it wasn't him who wrote it. Kei knew it, and if only he would—_

"Kei," Tadashi whispered, gaze flickering from his boyfriend to the man behind him. "Please tell me this is some joke."

Kei remembered watching the cracks on the floor with unusual interest. "It's no joke," He tried to sound firm, but there were cracks in his voice too, and he couldn't stop the tears welling up in his eyes. "It's no joke, Tadashi."

"Right," The man pushed the glasses up on his nose as Tadashi swallowed, the shock of betrayal evident on his face. "That's more than enough time for you two. We're leaving."

"Please," Tadashi's voice cracked then, and he looked pleadingly from the man to Kei, who felt his heart leap into his throat. "This—This has to be some sort of mistake, I—"

The man nodded at his accomplices. Tadashi's eyes widened as they began walking towards him. "Kei, please, make them understand, i-it's not my fault!"

Kei watched, shocked and disgusted with what he'd done, as they took his boyfriend by the hands and began leading him out of their broken door. His eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Tadashi."

Tadashi squirmed in their grasp, eyes still on Kei. "What do you mean, you're sorry?"

The blonde haired boy fell to his knees then, shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs. His glasses clouded over and he couldn't see, but it didn't matter, because nothing could ever erase Tadashi's sorrowful face from his mind.

Tadashi's sorrowful face— _his_ creation.

Kei closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists. "I'm so sorry, Tadashi."

"Kei!"

\---------

"Kei!" The mention of his name brought him out of his head and back into reality, where his new boyfriend, Kuroo, was looking down at him with worry in his eyes. "Are you okay? I've been talking for five minutes straight and you didn't interrupt me even once."

Kei let his eyes fall to the floor. "I'm fine." He muttered, words hard and emotionless. Almost everything he said nowadays was cold.

Kuroo's gaze softened. "Kei," He sighed, walking over and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Kei let his head fall on the black haired boy's shoulder, inhaling the faint smell of detergent, eyes closed. "Is this about Tadashi?"

_"I'm so sorry, Tadashi."_

_"Kei!"_

Kei stomach heaved, and he pulled away from Kuroo in record time, pushing him back with force he didn't even know he had. As Kuroo's frame hit the wall behind him, Kei knew the pain in his eyes wasn't because of the impact.

"Kei," Kuroo picked himself up and tried to reason with the other boy. "I know you really care about him, but it's time you tried to—"

"Tried to what?" Kei snapped, but his voice remained dead in tone. "Tried to forget someone I left behind?"

Kuroo sighed, but didn't step any closer to Kei, which the blond appreciated. "You panicked, Kei." He tried explaining gently, just like he'd done many times before. If he played his cards right, Kei would calm down right away, like all the time before. "You didn't expect to turn it into what it became."

A wave of emotion overcame Kei, and suddenly he was seeing red. He couldn't see Kuroo's pitying gaze in front of him, he couldn't see their apartment or any of the things in it. All he could see was Tadashi.

_"Kei!"_

"But I could have stopped it!" Kei roared, and Kuroo's eyes widened instantly. "I-I could have stayed with him, a-and told them it was me! I spent the money!"

"Kei, please," Kuroo was desperate. He'd never seen his boyfriend get this out of control. "Just—sit down now. Take a deep breath. You'll feel better when you think more rationally, okay?"

"No!" Kei stepped away, and hurt flashed briefly across Kuroo's ashen face. "You don't get it, Kuroo! I hurt him! Over and over again—hell, I could be doing it right now! Who knows what's happening right now? I'm a monster, Kuroo!"

Kuroo opened his mouth, before closing it again, his face falling flat. His voice was shaking, but he spoke anyway. "He's not the only one you're hurting."

Kei looked down. "I'm not the person you thought you liked, Kuroo." He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but he still didn't make eye contact. "That's all I'm trying to say."

"Loved," Kuroo whispered, crossing his arms across his chest. "You're the person I loved, Kei."

Kei's breath hitched in his throat. "Kuroo—"

"You're right," Kuroo stepped back, towards their room. "You're not the person I thought you were, Kei. But I didn't care, because I loved you anyway." He smiled softly. "But you loved Tadashi."

"How did you—" Kuroo shook his head.

"It's okay, Kei." Kuroo sighed. "Do what you need to do. I'm—I'm gonna call Kenma. I need to sort things out."

"Kuroo, wait—" Kei tried to stop him, but it was useless. Kuroo smiled sadly.

"The key's underneath the mat if you need it," The black haired boy whispered, shutting the bedroom door behind him. "Not that I think you will."

And that's when, for the second time in his life, Kei fell to his knees and cried again over the boy he lost.

\----------------

The sun was shining bright when Kei left.

Birds were chirping, the sky was crystal clear—all of it a reminder of how he had to go and mess it all up.

His brother had agreed to let him stay at his apartment, so after leaving his suitcases there, Kei decided to go look around.

But what he didn't decide was to bump into Tadashi's father.

"Kei?" He looked up at the mention of his voice. "Is that you?"

The blond swallowed. "Yamaguchi-san." He mumbled, eyes trailing down to the floor. "What a surprise."

"I've been trying to reach you for a while now, actually." The older man put his hands in his pockets and looked at Kei sadly. "It's about Tadashi."

Kei's head snapped up. "Tadashi?"

"Yeah," The man sighed and stared at his shoes. Worry curdled in Kei's stomach, bitter and uncertain. "I-I don't really know how to put this. Maybe if you'd gotten the letter I sent—"

The man licked his lips. "Tadashi's dead, Kei."

_"I'm sorry, Tadashi."_

_"Kei!"_

"W-What?" All the blood rushed to Kei's ears and head, and he couldn't breathe. He brought his arms across his chest, eyes wide and lips pale. "What do you mean?"

"What else could it mean?" The man snapped, and that's when Kei realised he was crying. He—both him and the man. "He—he got into some trouble with the mafia, and they killed him. So there."

"Kei fell to his knees. His fingernails dug into his skin but he didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't care. Tadashi was gone—and it was all his fault. Ragged sobs escaped him, and everything faded out into nothing.

"Kei!" The man yelled. "Are you okay?"

"It's my fault," Kei mumbled, rocking back and forth on his knees. He knew he was in public, but he didn't care, because Tadashi was g— "It's all my fault."

The man shook his head. "Unless you were part of the mafia, Kei, I don't really think it would've been your fault.

"You don't get it." Kei stood back up in record speed. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, determination replacing the tears. "Where is he?"

"The local cemetery." Yamaguchi-san's voice shook. "He's buried near the front."

"Thank you, Yamaguchi-san." Kei nodded once before turning. The other man cleared his throat.

"This may sound weird, Kei." He admitted, "But I'm glad you're so worked up over this. In a way, it shows that you really cared about Tadashi." He smiled softly. "And I know Tadashi cared about you too."

Kei swallowed and looked down. "Yeah,"

\--------

_Yamaguchi Tadashi._

There it was. Grey, flat and cold. Just like how Kei felt.

_A son and friend to many, and loved by all._

Kei sat down by the grave, past the flowers and cards from well-wishers, right by the front, where he figured Tadashi's head would be.

"Hey," He began. A blush began forming on his cheeks—talking to a dead body seemed dumb. If anyone were to see, they'd definitely think that Kei had lost his head.

But that didn't matter to Kei. He just needed to tell Tadashi how he felt, whether said boy was dead or alive.

"I really wish that I could be telling you this in person, and not to a stone, but I guess it can't be helped." Kei began fiddling with a few strands of grass by the front of the stone, trying his hardest not to cry.

"I miss you, Tadashi," Kei sighed, tears spilling out of his eyes. "I miss you all the time, that I don't even remember what it's like to live without thinking of you. Being away from you is like—" He paused, pulling the strands out. "—being physically removed from any emotion."

"But the worst part is that I'm not even allowed to feel guilty." Kei frowned, self hatred rising in his stomach. "Because I sent you away. It was my fault, Tadashi, not yours. I spent the money, yet you're the one who has to suffer because I was dumb, a-and naive, and—"

Kei furiously wiped tears from his eyes, but it was no use. "I had so many words, Tadashi. I had so many words that I could have used to keep you safe, but instead I was selfish and kept them in. And now you're off like this."

"If I could change anything, Tadashi, it would have been lying to you. You deserved to know the truth, and I deserved to suffer for it. Then again, I guess I am suffering—I can't do anything anymore, not without you." Kei shrugged, thinking of Kuroo's longing face. "I tried, but—"

"I want you back," Kei muttered stubbornly. "I want to be able to fix this, because you shouldn't be dead, Tadashi, and—"

Kei was sobbing now, hands balled into fists and furiously beating the grey headstone. "You shouldn't be gone! You don't get to leave and have me suffer like this!" He screamed, face red. Blood began streaking down his fingers but he didn't care, because all he could see, think, feel was Tadashi.

"Is this your punishment?" He screeched, hiccuping. His throat felt raw and exposed—that must have been the strength of his words, he supposed. "Is this your way of telling me I was wrong?"

"Because I know, Tadashi." Kei was whispering now. "I know I was wrong, and that I was too late. I know I should have used my words to keep you safe."

"But let me tell you one thing," Kei wiped his eyes one last time. "You'll never be hurt again. You'll be okay now."

"You'll be okay, because now you're safe forever." Kei smiled softly. "You didn't even need me."

"I'm sorry, Tadashi."


End file.
